A milange of broken circles
attaining modest, commonn decency.
Your subconscious mind
meandered to the coast.
You were hard to conjure,
unbearable to be with,
but easy to break, to break down.
Your lungs covered with tar;
a garden asphyxiating life,
spewing out your chest.
Your wounds, what a tangled mess!
With an impetuous movement,
I breathed you in.
My apprehension intensified,
emotionally incapacitated,
I feel infinite.
Infinitely melancholic,
mellow - choleric.
Your meek stare has always been
overused, disapproved, misabused.
You're the girl with the super pale skin,
and soft green eyes,
and it looks as though
you could have been happier in a different light.
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Hey, Amy, I read your poem a few days ago and I simply loved it!
ReplyDeleteI needed a whole class period to read it and think carefully about what exactly you represent in it (all the images and symbols). Of course, I could not grasp the whole of it, but that’s exactly why I loved it so much. I don’t like poems that say everything directly.
The first thing I noticed was that all the stanzas had different lengths, which, I think, perfectly fits the idea of “a tangled mess” you mentioned in regard to the girl. What I mean is that you have thought not only about the essence, but also of the form of you poem, which is great!
My favorite stanza is definitely the fourth one. Without it, the poem would have been only a description of a girl, but with it you add depth and make it abstract. I also liked your vocabulary, especially of “asphyxiating”, “conjure”, and “meander”, as well as the use of contrasts (mellow – choleric).
I cannot make any negative comments about the poem for two reasons. First, because it is your own perspective, which I cannot correct, and second, because I think you did an amazing job with it! You only have two technical mistakes: “mélange” in the first row and “common” in the second.
I would really like to read another poem of yours; I hope you write one soon!
Thank you Teddy. I haven't been on in quite a while to read this. Your interpretation of this poem is very accurate, and thanks for pointing out my typos, otherwise I would not have noticed. :]
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